There�s a people pleaser in every one of us. The degree to which we listen to and act upon those people-pleasing instincts vary, but we all have urges to do things for others to help them, help ourselves, or to make them like us. The issue arises when we are chronically prone to taking on tasks that others ask of us, even when it puts us in an inconvenient place. Knowing when to say no is one thing, but following through with that decision is exponentially more important and sadly, rarer. This article covers the steps we can take as chronic people pleasers to learn to say no and to be okay with that.

First, we need to know what our current work capacity is. If I�m in the middle of a busy project, proposal, or even exam season, chances are I have low capacity to take on more work. If a friend comes to me asking to help them with their work, there isn�t enough in me to give 100% effort to that and to my earlier commitments. Taking an introspective look at yourself, analyze how you feel about the commitments you have already taken on. Do you think you would be able to take less time to accomplish the same results? If you were to spend less mental energy on this, would you be able to maintain standards? These can be great clues to getting an internal pulse-check on your excess capacity.

Following the check, it�s critical that you make your decision and stand by it. I can�t tell you how many times I have fallen victim to wanting to turn down work but being convinced by others to do it anyways. Sometimes, they don�t even know they�re swaying your decision. It can be hard to say no to a friend when you know they need you. But overall, it will be better for both you and your friends, colleagues, and bosses if you only take on what you will be able to properly carry out.

Standing up for yourself is easier said than done. In practice, it becomes awkward and uncomfortable when we have to go against what others want of us. Here are a few tips for how to help you effectively decline the offers you simply don�t have capacity to take on:

• Thank the person for thinking of you before declining; this can sound like �thank you for thinking of me for this, but I have to say no.�
• Offer to find someone else who would be able to take on the task instead; this can look like �I�m not able to take this on, but I know someone who might be able to.�
• Offer to keep the door open to help in the future; this can look like �I�m not able to help with this right now, but when I�m done with this other project and you still need help, I will be available.�

The last step is to be okay with the decisions we make to say no. We have to remember that if you�re taking too much on your plate, it�s going to hurt you and the people you�re trying to help. Reminding yourself that you are protecting yourself from burnout and keeping up the quality of your current project is important to making peace with your decision.

Overall, it can be hard to say no to others, especially when we want to do as much as we can for them. We have to remember that we all have a limited capacity in what we�re able to take on, and if you�re nearing that limit, don�t overload yourself by saying yes to more. It is okay to say no, and it will end up being better for all parties involved.